The Journey

“There is an art … or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss,” so advises The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

“The first part is easy,” the Guide continues. “All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it’s going to hurt. That is, it’s going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard. Clearly, it is the second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.”

Of course, there is a remedy — a way in which one can avoid failing “to miss the ground.”  And here is where it gets really interesting:

“One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It’s no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won’t. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you’re halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it’s going to hurt if you fail to miss it.”

So the solution to missing the ground, according to the Guide, is to miss it … accidentally. “But how does one accidentally miss the ground?” you may ask.

Oh, you poor, poor, foolish child. Were you not carefully reading? Again, the answer is simple and obvious to all who earnestly seek it: All you need is a distraction — something that will capture your mind and cause you to forget what you have done.

The Guide even offers a few suggestions: “a gorgeous pair of legs … or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig.”

“Then, in your astonishment, you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.”

There is a message here for all constitutional conservatives: We have it all wrong. We simply need to be distracted as we throw ourselves off of the cliff — as we abandon the Constitution, its principles, our Country and our God. Stop worrying about the debt; accept socialized medicine; embrace abortion, gay marriage, race and class warfare; stand firm in the hope that government will continue to confiscate wealth, destroy the economy, and pervert the electoral process.

And, as we hurl ourselves toward the ground, let us hope someone — perhaps a messianic president and his minions — will be there to distract us.

Then we, too, can drink and eat heartily, even merrily at the table the progressives and their left-wing Democrat partners have spread before us. We can feast on the corpse of liberty and become drunk on government handouts. We can dance and shout wildly as we sing praises to a president who will cause the oceans to subside, Earth to heal, and the moon and stars to sing together in awe of his greatness and majesty.

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William C. Mason

710 West Adams Park Drive

Covina, CA  91722

email: b4genesis@verizon.net

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(c) Copyright 2012, 2014 William Mason. All rights reserved: The work titled "The Art of Flight: How to Save a Nation" (the commentary directly above) may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without written permission from the author.